so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
