Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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