There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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