Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
