So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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