And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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