The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
