Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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