her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
