My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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