apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
