well I can't set my house on fire every night
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
i need some magic done to my vagina
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
