oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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