it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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