im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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