Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
