DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
