we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
