I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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