I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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