my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize