Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize