Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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