I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
