I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
