he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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