It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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