she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize