FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
