So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
