i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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