I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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