last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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