What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize