I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
