my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
