fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize