I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
