Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
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