i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
