i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
