dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
