So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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