I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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