Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
