Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
