He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize