wrigley field is MILF paradise
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
