Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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