I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
