yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
