You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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