Cold hands, warm shart.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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