Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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