How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
