i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
