I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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