Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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