i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
