ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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