You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
