i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
