Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
