I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
