I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
