I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
