When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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