watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
