Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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