Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
