he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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