her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
