dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
