Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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